So Why Do You Care?
What’s your reaction to this:-Â
A passerby walks past and sits down next to you on the bench and starts crying.
Then, let me add details.
1. This person has a badly disfigured face.
2. This person smells very bad.
3. This person has maggots crawling out of his/her open sores
Rewind.
A passerby walks past and sits down next to you on the bench and starts crying.
Let me add NEW details.
1. This person has porcelain complexion, and is extremely beautiful/handsome.
2. This person has the most alluring perfume scent.
3. This person is wearing branded stuff, Gucci, D&G, Louis Vuitton, etc.
Why is your reaction much different, right down in your gut?
It’s likely that very few people can even consider scenario A an acceptable situation for a conversation. What does this mean? If you think about it, as a human race, we are pretty biased. We have no real inclination to like people who are disfigured, ugly or hideous. In this sense, our eyes betray many of us.
I find it very ironic that it is easier to approach someone who is pretty but negative on the inside, than to approach someone who is ugly but positive on the inside. The danger is that we know that the former is FAR MORE toxic than the latter!!!Â
I admit, I’m guilty of that occasionally - and it is only right to check ourselves if you fall in this category as well.
So why do I care? Let’s put it this way. One day, I might just get into an accident and there might be a chance that I’d get disfigured. One day, I might not have the mental agility that I have today, and end up less than capable to clean myself up. Maybe we have to create a much more vibrant impression of other people, and stop ourselves from being too biased. I know it’s easier said than done, but let’s just keep ourselves in check, lest we suffer the same fate.
Compassion reaps rewards. I don’t know if you believe it, but I think it’s useful to.
Tags
Deep Thought, General, Human Tendencies, Rules of Living
August 10th, 2006 at 11:16 pm
i think first impressions (based on appearance) count for the first 30 seconds, but a person’s speech tells even more about their background, education level, and status.
i’ve revised my perception of someone a number of times after they start speaking.
is it more biased to have adapted my perception of the person?
i think it’s a factor of human nature to make prejudgements, but even more important to be able to re-evaluate our judgements, especially if we were initially mistaken.
August 17th, 2006 at 1:41 pm
I think the first impression is mostly based on appearence, when speech is used, much more of a person’s personality is known.
We can give an impression on someone who is childish when the person is talking, not based on only the appearence. We normally re-evauate someone when they start talking and when we get to know them better.
August 18th, 2006 at 9:58 am
Hi Stuart!
Accidentally passing by yr page, I found it interesting, so…i just add some comments if u dun mind :))
I think two different reactions of ppl to two situations can be understandable.
In both situations, we meet 2 ppl crying, which means that they are suffering great misery. But in the 1st situation, we are less willing to help him/her than the 2nd one, the reason is because we are more cautious. Not because we dun want to help him, but because we want to protect ourselves 1st.
1. This person has a badly disfigured face.
2. This person smells very bad.
3. This person has maggots crawling out of his/her open sores
Looking at the appearance of the 1st person, we can guess that he/she maybe a beggar, or mentally ill, or even a pickpocket, a cheater… that’s why we have to be more cautious, to avoid ourselves being harmed. The 2nd person, if just based on his/her apperance, will be more reliable.
But as Andreww said, to evaluation 1 person, we should use all of our senses, 1st we use sight, he/she can be poor, dirty, but u can guess he/she is reliable or not. Then after making sure that he/she are not illed-mental and still continues crying, we can start a conversation with him/her to ask ab his/her problem, cos through his/her saying, we can evaluate ab his/her personality. After all of that, we can decide whether should help him/her, depending on our ability also.
I just want to say that we should help ppl, but help cleverly, dun make ourselves suffered because of gullibility.
August 18th, 2006 at 11:28 am
Seems like most of you are looking at this case in a particularly detailed fashion. That’s great, and thank you for your contributions.
I also think it’s not only about this specific context. What I want everyone to really consider is this - do you have biases? What are those biases? What are the assumptions you make from those biases that might hinder a proper relationship from forming? It’s part and parcel of the whole idea that we don’t just see things as they are, we see things as ‘we’ are. And no matter what happens, our reactions and comments are merely a reflection of who we are inside.
So Anne, you’re not being gullible is an issue for you… your life is governed by protection. Andrew, you appear to be more concerned with the need to give someone a ’second chance’ - which is something that you might deem important for yourself.
Thank you for your contributions! :)
August 18th, 2006 at 1:43 pm
Stuart,
incisive as always!
Thanks for the feedback, and I’ll see how I can apply this in more situations.
ps: is our outlook to life a reflection of how we view ourselves?
perhaps if it could be a potential blog post?
September 20th, 2006 at 8:40 pm
I AGREE WITH ANDREW … I GUESS WE MAKE THAT DECISION TO HELP THE PERSON IN CASE 2 THAN PERSON IN CASE 1 BCOS OF OUR UPBRINGING… WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TOLD THAT DEVILS HAVE DISFIGURED FACES AND ALL SORTS OF THINGS LIKE THAT ….. SO ONCE WE SEE A PERSON A PERSON DISFIGURED WE TEND TO TAKE A STEP BACK …….
November 13th, 2006 at 2:42 pm
This suggestion which I thought is useful.
please use 100% for your first impression,
to strengthen a new friendship takes Time & desire,
may I say is a lifelong process if you…