Stuart’s Philosophies

Every day we look at the news and there’s so much bad news. We haven’t really even scratched the surface of knowing what progress is. If we are so progressive, shouldn’t we be focusing more on the development of ourselves as human beings and as a human race? Many new ideas are weird but just because we don’t have a scientific method to prove it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t work. Recently, I overheard a family squabbling over where to have dinner. I mean, excuuuse me, but if you want to go for dinner, you have to at least agree with each other first. I wonder if they went hungry or killed each other. It’s stupid. To head out and do something, we need to fight with other people and with ourselves to get there?

Some people claim that it’s because of the issue with miscommunication. I think it’s not just miscommunication. I think many people have great communication skills. I think it’s more because people don’t check their biases. They are too absorbed into the moment and end up being a terror to themselves and other people. Terrorism. War. Arguments. Divorce. Law suits. Do we really need this? Is this a step back for humanity?

Occasionally, we really need to step out of ourselves and get perspective.

How exactly do we progress?

I recently sent out an email to my subscribers to ask them what they would like to know. Strangely, many people wanted to learn about communication and persuasion (among other things). Another issue that crops up is our inability to stick to what we need to do, getting distracted and procrastinating. The most important first step is to learn to be excellent.
I grew up in a family environment which was, fortunately for me, liberal. I got myself into quite a fair bit of trouble, but I also had other control mechanisms like some teachers, who were compassionate disciplinarians. There are really two sides of me - the side that just wants to blaze ahead and get things done, and the other side, which is the one that likes to laze around and do nothing. I’ve learnt how to turn on both at the appropriate time. I know it’s irksome to be in the middle of something, then to be asked by your family members to come for dinner. It’s also irritating to some to have to get pulled out of bed just to get to work. If you know how to control these responses, you will find that on certain days, you are doing well, but on other days, you just can’t seem to get it going.

Focusing on excellence.

What excellence is really needs defining. Without a proper definition, you will think that excellence is about being your best and surpassing previously set goals and the like. Excellence is not perfection. Excellence is about developing a far better way of doing things, and the investigation into new strategies, not necessarily having to be held back by current methods, even though they do work. Excellence fosters progress. If you aren’t flexible enough, you won’t be able to shift. Yet, in order to be flexible, you first need to know what is rigid in the first place.

The paradox is this - you need to hold on to something in order to let it go. Excellence in one’s life is much like that - you build a series of rules in your mind for doing something, say, running a business. Then, you test these rules until you find that these rules cannot be sustained because of changes in the world. Hence, consistency is one of the elements in human excellence.
We also have instances where people hold on too dearly to their values, and don’t realize that they have not changed with the times. When someone who has AIDS walks into the office for a job application, their biases tell them to turn them away. Yet, the person living in excellence sees no need to fear, no need to worry and no need to turn a human away from his right to be fully clothed and earning a decent wage. Hence, openness of mind is another element in human excellence.

When we have a value attached to the things we want to get done, we are motivated. When we have a value attached to the things other people do, we get affected - and maybe offended. Taiwanese politics are reported to be like this. While other Asian economies are picking up, they are dwindling. The cause appears to be internal squabbling and political disagreements. But isn’t that true of ourselves too? If you haven’t reached a level of inner peace, whatever you do will appear to be missing something. You might even be fearful or internally conflicted. We already are holding on. Now, we need to learn to let go. Question is: can you let go all on your own?

You a Monkey?

There’s this interesting anecdote I’ve heard too many times. In the South Pacific, natives used to catch monkeys by putting nuts inside a coconut shell. This shell opening was just enough to place an open hand in, but when the monkey reached inside to grab the nuts, the clenched fist would never come out, leaving them easy prey for the natives.

As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes, we really are monkeys. We have this tendency to operate out of some kind of selfish will. What’s in it for me? We clamor. Even most people doing charity do it for reason. I kinda like Forrest Gump. Remember the time he started running and running? He didn’t stop until he felt tired. His reason for starting? Someone gave him the idea “Run, Forrest, run!”

But was that really a reason? He just did it. But he did have a reason for stopping, for letting go. He was tired and wanted to go home. Perfectly logical. Another question: are we tired of lousy patterns of behavior and ready to come home to ourselves?

“Attitude Precedes Excellent Behavior”?

I guess you’ve heard it before. It’s your attitude that makes you the kind of person that you are, but does it mean that if you change your attitude, you’re a different person? No, you’re still the same person but exhibiting different behaviors. They say we just need to change our attitude and our behavior changes. I think there is a fundamental flaw in this kind of thinking. They assume that we are more than just one person. The truth is there is only one of us (unless you have multiple personality disorder… heh). If you want different behavior, you need to expand what you know. Once you expand what you know, you can find a reason to use what you know. Some people do it the other way around (which isn’t wrong): they find a reason to use what they want to know, then go learn it.

Simple Steps To Excellence

1. Be mindful of your purpose before acting. If you are doing things for a purpose, you are on the right track. But that’s not enough. You need to know that your purpose might eat into someone else’s life. Just because you wanted to enjoy yourself doesn’t mean that you blast your radio at 2am in the morning when your neighbor is asleep.

2. Be aware that other people are watching. It may seem unfair, but there are other people watching you. They scrutinize you. They wonder if you are really who you say you are. They want to know if they can trust you. They pass judgment based on your behaviors. They might be wrong, but that’s how they do it. We live in a society, a human ecology. We ought to begin to weigh the consequences of what we do and what effects our behaviors have not just in the short term, but in the long term as well.

3. Develop, grow, then grow others. Its a well known fact that people who are on their death bed who are filled with regret wish they have left something behind, a legacy, that their existence on this planet was not miniscule or insignificant. We are constantly searching for the thing that defines us in our life, and then when that life ends, we ask if that which defined us meant anything to anyone else. If you are on the path of growing and developing and learning, then you ought to start to learn to do the same for and with other people. The starting point of this, in my own biased opinion, is neuro-linguistic programming. There are so many strategies and techniques that are useful for self-awareness, self-correction, and communication.

4. Everyone is flawed; learn to forgive; learn to help people cover their blindspots. The stronger your beliefs about something, the more easily someone can point out that you are not walking your talk. Leadership is tiring, and that’s why it’s all the easier to foul up. Nobody is perfect all the time. But the real test comes in the ability to forgive. Can you let go? Do you want to be the monkey caught in that coconut? If you saw someone that way, would you help them out? This is one of the primary reasons why mentorship and coaching is essential. Even if you don’t get a coach, you should work with a team of people whom you can grow with. Not everyone can have perfect perspective, but a team that watches out for each other always can.

“A step back is often two steps forward”

I believe this. When you fail in something, it is a necessary lesson. If you made a mistake, it is your springboard to success. Otherwise, why would mistakes and failure exist? If you are finding life difficult, know that it has always been meant to be. And the difficulty often gets worse. Yet, if you are the pessimist, you’ll fill your neurochemistry with lousy chemicals. If you are an optimist, your life feels very different. So don’t worry about the step back. Let go of the notion of failure. Eliminate your expectations of success and failure and think about the people you are affecting. Then decide to. It’s actually that simple.

Tags

Deep Thought, Finding Purpose, General, Human Tendencies, Starting Business In Singapore, Team Productivity