Dealing With A Conflict of Values

I find I tend to hold on to things that can’t be held, and it gets frustrating whenever that which cannot be held is taken away from me. Weird, huh. So since you can’t hold on to things that can’t be held, don’t get caught up frustrating yourself when you know that it’s not possible to hold on to them. Then, the true meaning of letting go takes place.

 

Have you ever felt trapped before? Here’s a scenario:

 

You are walking down the road. An old lady is crossing the street and a car heading toward her direction is about to hit her, what do you do if you are close enough to do something?

Why is there no conflict about this?

 

Whereas:

Your friend of many years tells you to turn up on time for an important meeting. Five minutes before the meeting, your friend tells you he can’t turn up, so you leave the place. Ten minutes later, you see your friend hanging out with some other group of friends, chatting and laughing.

 

Why does this present a conflict?

 

A conflict generates an emotion. My feeling is that in the first scenario, there is 100% congruence. Even if you could not help the lady, you’d not break up inside and feel guilty because you happened to be there. But in the second scenario, it paints a much deeper, painful picture. A friend tells you to come for an important meeting and then apparently abandons you for another group. As with all things, it seems that it’s the friend is at fault, true?

 

But if we take a step back, that’s not true anymore. The fact is the friend is jus the external object, and the truth is that the time has just come to look inside and evaluate your own values. Why did you get so upset in the first place? What is the name of the feeling you have? Betrayal? Anger? Disappointment?

 

We hold on to so many things, when actually, there was initially nothing. Isn’t it strange that suddenly the whole world can collapse so easily, so readily, simply from one action?

 

It’s not the action of other people that counts – it’s your reaction, your response. When you come to terms to understand why you feel the way you feel, which of your values was affected? Perhaps friendship and loyalty? Perhaps commitment? With this internal conflict, there are two main options: to deal with it or to run away. I know most people take the easy way out and run away. But to deal with it, especially when we realize it’s US that creates emotions in ourselves, it can be painful. We battle the feeling that it should be someone else’s responsibility and not ours.

 

Let go. Start off by relaxing every fibre of your muscles and your soul, too, will relax. Then, find your center. Once you are grounded and less flightly, you can look at your values and his values, and realize you are both seeking the same thing. Perhaps if you were in his position, you would do the same thing. Was your initial feeling worth losing friendship for? Maybe not. Maybe now, you have a better, more resourceful choice.