Coaching Yourself: "Have You Ever Been Wrong?"

“Have you ever been wrong?” ~ Richard Bandler.

 

This quotation hangs in my head whenever I find myself thinking I know everything. It’s a solid kick in the butt, and prevents me from going the direction of being an egotistical megalomaniac (heh) J

 

I spent a lot of time figuring out many things in myself through the people I interact with. Have you ever had a time where people would approach you to seek advice and all you thought was that they were there to get advice? That you could have a solution for them? And everything you said was rejected as a possible solution? In reality, depending on what purpose they are there for, they aren’t just asking for advice. They mirror for us, some feedback to say “I’m not really here for solutions – I want to be heard”. I learnt to open up my eyes and ears to the nuances in what people say they need versus what they truly need. So, yes, I have been wrong before in offering advice when people merely needed to be heard.

 

To communicate well, I usually begin by recognizing that the jigsaw is incomplete in my mind. What I mean is that looking at someone’s dilemma or problem doesn’t always give me a full picture, unless I can do a mind-to-mind comparison. So clarification matters. It’s a lesson I learnt a long time ago, but occasionally I digress and forget. I have come to realize that the most valuable part of listening to people is to be open and let them be a mirror to their own problems and solutions.

 

When I first became a counselor, I learnt that it was important to be aware of the client. How easy it is to forget that sometimes, we are caught up in things we need to do we forget the emotional state in which we are in. By the time you realize, it may be too late. Check yourself on occasion – how are you reacting and how are you responding to people?

 

Build emotional awareness and sensitivity to the real needs of people. Sure, we’re not perfect, but always remember that you are always dealing with a human being. Everyone has esteem needs, everyone wants to be competent. The end result is that people are not at fault – they are just limited by the awareness of their available resources.

 

When you can coach yourself to awareness, then put yourself in a mode to understand where you are emotionally because to interact with someone effectively, you must be in the appropriate state to receive and communicate. It’s actually much more important to be empathetic first, and then solution-oriented. Solutions will always present themselves to people who approach you for their problems when you don’t push the solution to them. Sometimes, you might be surprised at the outcome of such a position when you don’t judge but allow the judgement to unfold from the person presenting the problem.