Denial

I can’t bring myself to acknowledge this, but I think that there are many people who do not improve because they don’t acknowledge they have to be responsible for themselves. I had someone a couple of days ago ask me why he had to do a particular piece of work (he was a teacher, by the way). It was interesting because of the way he started to justify his stand that he should not do that piece of work. He could have done a number of things. First, to set aside his own opinions and to examine what he was learning and concluding instead of simply saying that he did not see the point in doing the work. Second, he could have begun to take responsibility for his own actions. After all, he didn’t realize that his question was really side-stepping the issue. It was, to me, like telling someone on the street, that 7-Eleven is so inconvenient to find when the 7-Eleven store is behind him. Just because the answer isn’t apparent to you, doesn’t mean that the answer isn’t there. If you’re so darned lazy to find the answer and to seek out an effective answer for yourself, then I truly wonder why you are stuck in the kind of place you are in today.

Being stuck is a horrible thing. If you find yourself progressing, that’s nice. If you are sliding, you have great feedback. The problem is if you are stuck, and you are like the proverbial frog in the pot slowly boiling to death, not only are you in your own comfort zone, you are literally shriveling without knowing it. This person was stuck in a pattern of behavior so strong and he was so myopic about it, that I wondered for a moment if he would succeed at all in life.

Then, something crossed my mind. I realize that people do not change simply because they get caught in their own web of self-deceit. They fear acknowledging the truth of their inadequacies. They fear their egos deflating. They may even fear the insight into themselves to realize that they have been wasting their life away and come to regret it. Essentially, I think that denial is part of the vocabulary of those who are aware of it and have to avoid it. If you don’t know about denial that means it isn’t in your face. If you want to change, gain awareness. Sure it’s painful. I have had people tell me things that I didn’t want to hear. But I respected the intention, understood it, and then used the feedback to transform my own behavior.

Are you in denial? Are there patterns of your behavior that you never thought could be limiting you? Do you fear being inadequate? Are you hiding from that and pretending that things are all right, even though they are not? When will it be time for you to be brutally honest with yourself and literally cut the crap from your life once and for all?